I know that may be ridiculous but sometimes we are like this. We are all ridiculous. It's a funny story when you start to talk but then you want to cry. I don't know what about I'm writing this night but I know that is a feeling. And a feeling can't be ignored anyway.
I found myself laying in bed crying about nothing and also crying about everything. But what is everything? What is a thing when you feel that you are nothing? Sometimes I really feel like I'm nothing and I'm not proud of it but it is the truth. I need to hide this but I feel this stamped on my face. Everytime I look to the mirror I can see the chaos. 'Cause I am the chaos.
It's not personal. I am the only blamed. I just don't really know how to handle with myself. I don't know how to handle with my secrets or with my weaknesses or with my self-harm. No one can see but me. I am my own trouble. And that's the real trouble! I just don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix me.
Maybe one day I get over all this mess. I can keep quiet in my room while the teardrops on my face falls down. Because it's the only thing that sometimes I can control. I can cry alone in my bed or just cry inside next to someone. Perhaps I'll die alone like I always thought. Perhaps someone will stay with me forever. I don't wanna guess it.
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